Obituary

Powerbook G4 Titanium began his life on 1st September 2002. At that time he was one of the first generations of Apple's new 1 inch thick slim-line laptop computers; with a 20 gigabyte hard drive, 512 megabytes of RAM, a CD-RW/DVD-R disk drive, and the new Mac OSX Jaguar interface, he was considered of the frontrunners in technology and design at the time. G4 spent most of his time commuting between London and Cambridge, primarily writing essays, emails, playing music and surfing the internet for utter pointlessness.

In 2004 he travelled to Japan for the first time, where he met and married a local iPod. Perhaps due to a mixture of middle-age tiredness and the differences in voltage between Europe and Japan, G4's battery suffered decreased performance in late 2004 and in early 2005 the disk drive suffered a total failure, requiring a double transplant: a complicated operation which took one month. At first, G4's battery made a full recovery and for several months was able to continue writing a university dissertation on Japanese art in the 1970s, but in late 2005, shortly after moving permanently to Japan his battery failed without warning and he spent the subsequent months of his life on perment mains supply life support. Despite the poor condition of his health, the twilight months of G4's life were some of his most productive. He produced a wide range of photography in collaboration with Photoshop and was instrumental to the running of a Tokyo-based art listings website. On 19th July 2006, G4 fell into a coma and died of a hard disk aneurysm.

He is survived by his wife, iPod, and his only son, MacBook Pro.

Move over L'il Kim...

Paris is back, and she's perfected her pose.

Oh L'il Kim...

You pyonged and you pyonged and you pyonged with all your might, but in the end you yanged.

Egg, meet face. Face, meet egg.

My Morning with Mothra

Japanese insects have been upping their assaults on Tokyo in a series of escalating incidents. About ten days ago, I was on a train with Emily and while we were chatting something green - a bit like a cross between an overgrown mosquito and a very small grasshopper - landed on her left tit. My natural instinct was to flick it away and my hand went up, middle finger curled up behind my thumb, about to flick that thing into oblivion. But then I was presented with the dilemma of what to do: Will Emily be happy I got rid of it, or will there be repurcussions if I flick her left tit? As if sensing my question, or at least noticing my sudden interest in her left tit, Emily looks down and upon seeing the little beastie perched on her nipple, lets out a scream that gets the attention of the whole carriage (and seemed to scare off the insect too). She then became paralysed with hysterics realising that I had been thinking about flicking her left tit. Cue more people looking in our direction.

A few days later, one of my colleagues went out to get something from the convenience store at just theright time, because while she was out I heard a thwack and out of the corner of my eye saw something shoot in through the open window and land hard on her desk. It was a hornet-like thing about six centimetres long, and it showed no intention of going anywhere, so I wasn't sure what to do. It was so big that if I smacked it it would make a permanent mess on her desktop, which is made of untreated wood, but if I tried to shoo it away it might turn around and eat me. I opted to prod it from a distance with an umbrella and luckily it flew out of the window, on to its next appointment with Godzilla.

Well, if that little thing seemed like Mothra, then I met Mothra's Mama today. On the train to work, the biggest insect I have ever seen in my life had somehow made its way from the midst of the Amazon jungle and into this Tokyo train carriage. With a conical body about ten centimetres long and two centimetres wide, it was the same size, shape and colour as a catnip. Except with its huge fluttering wings the thing looked like a flying tangerine. It caused havoc in the rush hour carriage, packed with people who were now ducking and leaping out of the way as this thing flew up and down and around. Some of them were trying to hit it with newspapers and I was like Come on! Can't you see how big it is?! It's not going to feel your newspaper - you're going to need heavy artillery if you want to bring that thing down! And all the time people were probably thinking I was an asshole because I was just laughing and taking photos with my cameraphone.


This photo doesn't do the beast full justice, but you can see that it is more like a small bird in size.


Unfortunately it flew out of shot just as I took this, but I like the fact I caught the look of fear on one of the other passengers' faces.