Londoners woke up on Friday to find their beloved red phone boxes had been painted pink overnight. The phone boxes have been fagged up all over central London, although the worst of the damage was concentrated in the Soho area, known as a hotbed of resurgent gay extremism. Londoners were unable to use the phoneboxes for hours, as they were abnormally clean and sweet-smelling inside, adorned with overflowing bouquets and pot-pourris masking the usual stench of stale piss. This is thought to be the worst act of gaying in the capital since World War Two when Hitler, leader of the Nancys, fired doodlebum rockets at London.
Following this attack on our heritage, President Bush made this speech in support of the British people.
"Americans have many questions tonight. Americans are asking: Who attacked the British phone boxes? The evidence we have gathered all points to a collection of loosely affiliated homosexual organizations known as al Gayda. They are the same queers indicted for fagging up our embassies in Amsterdam and San Francisco, and responsible for the buttfucking of the USS Cole.
Al Gayda is to terror what the mafia is to crime. But its goal is not making money; its goal is regaying the world -- and imposing its radical beliefs on people everywhere.
The gayerrists practice a fringe form of Gay extremism that has been rejected by Fag scholars and the vast majority of Fag clerics -- a fringe movement that perverts the peaceful teachings of Gaydom. This group and its leader -- a person named Ooh my! bin Gayden -- are linked to many other organizations in different countries, including the Egyptian Gay Jizz-hard and the Gay Movement of Uzbekistan. There are millions of these gayerrists in more than 60 countries. They are recruited from their own nations and neighborhoods and brought to camps in places like Afghanistan, where they are trained in the tactics of gayerrism. They are sent back to their homes or sent to hide in countries around the world to plot sodomy and destruction.
I also want to speak tonight directly to Gays throughout the world. We respect your sexuality. It's practiced freely by many millions of British, and by millions more in countries that America counts as friends. Its teachings are good and peaceful, and those who commit evil in the name of Madonna blaspheme the name of Madonna. (Applause.) The gayerrists are traitors to their own sexuality, trying, in effect, to hijack Gaydom itself. The enemy of America is not our many Gay friends. Our enemy is a radical network of gayerrists, and every government that supports them. (Applause.)
Our war on gayerrism begins with al Gayda, but it does not end there. It will not end until every gayerrist group of global reach has been found, stopped and defeated. (Applause.)"
