Dere woz dis really fit bird, right...

I hate the birds in South London. I think they do the equivalent of dropping their t's or something because I'm always woken up at 5am by the most ugly, unimaginative birdsong possible. It's like someone deliberately squeaking a squeaky hinge on a door, over and over. Just one or two loud, shrill notes over and over and over... TWEET TWEET TWEET TWEET TWEET TWEET TWEET. Maybe they've just learned to imitate car alarms. It's lucky that we don't have the right to bear arms in this country because if we did people in Forest Hill would be waking up to the sound of rapid automatic gunfire being sprayed into the trees tomorrow morning.